Hypothetically gay
by pettirosso
Summary: Iruka apparently doesn't like gays, but that's not a problem because Kakashi is totally straight. Kakashi x Iruka & Sasuke x Naruto. Extreme OOC and crack
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Naruto and all it's characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto and not me. How...unfortunate.

A/N: Okay. This is extremely OOC because I have NEVER written a KakashiXIruka fic before. I don't see their intraction with each other, I don't know how they call each other (So i just sticked with Kakashi-san and avoided making Kakashi say Iruka's name all together), and I'm not that big of a fan of this pairing. It started out as a fic for some person who will remain anonymous. For now. I was going to write a DeanXSam (Supernatural) fic for someone who I will also not mention, but I already wrote her robot smut. I was also contemplating if I should write a het fic on Naruto and Hinata for someone too (Het? EWW XD. Nah, I'm alright with het XD), but I'm lazy and she asked first (well, second) so here it is. Beware of possible crack and ultra OOCness. I'm sorry.

* * *

There was rain. A hell of a lot of rain. This meant being all cooped up in an empty house with nothing to read, watch or attack. After having read Icha Icha Paradise for the third time today, Kakashi picked up an umbrella and decided to take a walk. Yes, a walk would be nice. If only for that it wasn't fact that it was also bloody windy. Walking with your umbrella upturned, collecting water and having to deal with the constant fear of your umbrella collapsing on you and leaving you to wallow in misery as the water soaks into your socks is great fun. Wonderful. Apparently, that fact doesn't seem to bother our dear Kakashi, because he is a ninja and ninja's are so ambidextrous that even the rain and wind put together can't stop them. Or he's just plain stupid. Fortunately for him, he _is_ quite skilled but one should not dismiss that other fact _completely_.

The rain continued to pour, stopping every once in a while just to tease. Kakashi had been fooled one too many times and decided to just go _home. _Watching his feet shifting from left to right, left to right in a lazy trance, he began to turn back.

"Kakashi-san!" yelled a familiar voice.

He turned around a little too slowly as a soaking wet Iruka ran towards him. Little Kakashi angels circle his head, singing their happy song of joy. In his mind, Iruka would continue running towards him and each step he would take, a piece of clothing would come off and then he'd throw it on the floor, in that mad and needy way the professional porn stars do it. Then he'd rip off his hair tie and crash into him wet and butt naked.

At least he got the crashing part right. Iruka, as he came running towards him had slipped and head-butted him right in the nose.

"I'm very sorry Kakashi-san! Are you alright?"

"I…I'm fine". He forgot to add the 'and slightly aroused' part.

"Oh, that's great! I'm glad to see you here; I was in the rain for ages. I thought my clothes were about to fall off"

DAMN. Maybe if he hadn't brought an umbrella, he wouldn't have this problem. It wasn't ripping off clothes in a fit of passion, but Kakashi wasn't the particularly picky type.

"So what are you doing out here in the rain?" Kakashi asked.

"Yesterday, I saw Naruto and Sasuke kissing in a broom closet". Kakashi was used to getting ignored, but this was new. Sort of. He _is_ a jounin, so he had a little inkling, of course. Maybe a witty and thoughtful comment will help ease Iruka's obvious distress about his matter.

"Well his name _is_ Sasu-_gay_". Smooth. Real smooth.

"I've never dealt with homosexual students before"

"H-HOMO?"

"You know, boys liking other boys"

H-homo….he'd never thought of himself like that. Boys liking boys…Isn't that what he is doing? But that's like, gay. WAIT. Him gay!? That's impossible, right? He isn't gay; he's the straightest one around here!

"Kakashi-san, what do you think I should do? Naruto is like a son to me and him growing up to become _that…_is something that I do not want…"

So Iruka is against homosexuality. He does not accept the act of a man screwing the brains out of another man. So where does this leave Kakashi? The man who has yet to come out of the closet. A man who is still _inside _the closet, with no idea that he was _in _a closet to begin with. This must be a pretty damn big closet.

"Kakashi-sensei!" a voice that seemed to belong to Sakura yelled. Perfect timing.

"What is it Sakura"

"Urgent mission! Tsunade-sama has called you to her quarters!"

TO BE CONTINUED. IF I FEEL LIKE IT.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I'm not making any profit from this. -sigh-

A/N: I am sorry. So very very sorry.

* * *

Kakashi arrived in the large room, standing in line next to Naruto and Sasuke who had already arrived. What was he thinking, of course they'd already be there. The closet was just 10 metres away from this room.

"Kakashi" Tsunade said.

"…yes?" Kakashi cautiously replied. He had a bad feeling about this.

"I have a very important mission for you"

"…continue?"

"I need you to travel to the water country"

"Why..?"

"Uh…There is an epidemic there and they need our help. Yes, that'll do" Oh, he knew this was bad.

"What kind of epidemic is this?"

"Uh…s-secret". Very bad.

"SECRET? What kind of mission is this?"

"A secret mission obviously" Naruto butted in. He felt a little lonely, not being in the conversation.

"Shut up, you idiot" Sasuke was obviously feeling a little left out too.

"YOU SHUT UP!"

"Both of you shut up"

"You haven't told us the details of the mission yet"

"You don't need to know. You'll be fine; there will be very little chance that you'd even contract anything. Now GO!"

"Bu-"

"I said GO! Except for Sakura. She doesn't need to go"

"What?"

"I tell you what. You can take any male who is available to go. Now GO!"

"You"

"GO!"

What just happened? An all male mission? This is like all of Sasuke's perverted fantasies come true. This 'secret' mission is a bit too secret for Kakashi's liking. Plus, who should he take? This was screwing up his brain flow. He'll just let Naruto choose for him.

* * *

"Kakashi-san!" Kakashi didn't know whether he should smile or smash his head on the floor.

"I chose Iruka-sensei!" He did only have one eye out but he could SEE that.

"I think we should gather a bit of information about this mission before we go" Sasuke said.

"I think you're stupid!" Kakashi could see that they were trying hard to cover up their little secret, but this was too much. He could manage holding in his incoming snorts, but it wasn't easy. Why'd Iruka-chan accept coming to this mission anyway? Probably to protect Naruto from the evil clutches of Sasuke. Oh God. Did he just say Iruka-chan?

"LET'S GO!" Say the first thing that comes in your head. That always works.

"Well, you're quite excited"

"Sex!" Maybe it doesn't ALWAYS work.

"I love word games! My turn! My turn!" Naruto yelled. Oh thank God.

* * *

The village was about three days away. Two and a half, if they were quick. Since he had to drag these three along, he assumed that it wouldn't be quick. There was a lot to contemplate about when jumping from tree to tree. The feeling of bark crunching under your shoes, the colour of the sky, how nice a guy's ass looked. That is if you were a girl. Which Kakashi was definitely not.

"Naruto, you should be careful when we enter the country. This could be very dangerous" Funny how he left out Sasuke, but maybe he wasn't talking about the epidemic. It was also funny how he left out Kakashi. Maybe that wasn't funny at all. To Kakashi at least.

"Got it!" Naruto cheerily replied. Somehow, Iruka doubted that he'd be careful. It would be Iruka's job, no _responsibility_ to protect Naruto's chastity for the rest of this trip.

"Okay, we'll take a rest here" Kakashi said, as he jumped to a patch of clear ground. It was a nice day. Clear blue skies with birds chirping and everything. Iruka was sitting by his side, on a thick log. It would have been a pretty sight. Something always had to mess it up.

"Hey Naruto" Sasuke said.

"Yeah?" Naruto inquired.

"Could you get me that bottle of water?"

"But it's right next to you, dumbass!" He was right. It _was_ right next to him. Naruto wouldn't have complained if the bottle had been next to him and he was in the way of Sasuke retrieving his precious bottle, but he wasn't. Sasuke was in the way of Naruto trying to retrieve _Sasuke's_ precious bottle. Sasuke was in _between _him and the bottle. Sasuke's a jerk.

"Just get it for me"

"Fine" Naruto said as he reached past Sasuke's lap and what do you know, Sasuke 'accidentally' fell on top of him.

"NARUTO!" Iruka yelled as he shot up from the log and ran to the wrestling pair of testosterone high boys. Yes, something always had to mess it up.

If Sasuke the gay man-goblin didn't think from his bloody…never mind, Kakashi wouldn't be in this position, watching Iruka trying to break up the two morons who keep accidentally 'falling' on each other for hours.

"Let's go" Kakashi was tired of all this gay. Gay is a very contagious disease on its own and he didn't want to catch it.

"Yeah! Let's get going" Naruto said as he attempted to get up.

"Oh, of course. We should go. Woooaah" Said Sasuke as he had 'attempted' to get up only to fall yet _again_.

"NARUTO!" This is going to be a long day.

* * *

A/N: I'm not good at writing long stories. Hell, I'm not good at writing in general, but I'm going to try. I warn you, everytime I've said the word "try" before, I always fail. I FAIL AT LIFE. Hope you enjoyed. R&R and whatnot. 


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